Stephen D. Williams

The Resume Response

Feb. 2002:

I get email frequently about my resume. This time I laughed until I cried; I wasn't expecting the punch line:

Dear Mr. Williams,

Where is Ashburn, VA? I lived in Arlington at roughly King St.(Rt 7) and
Shirley Highway. One of the original stone corner markers for the
Alexandria land grant was outside my window and the Four Mile Run spring
floods happened just down the block.

We are always investigating people for technical positions here at the
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx studio. We are noted for our feature film and
commercial digital xxxxxxxx. We did the xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, the xxxxxxxxxx, and you must have seen our xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Unfortunately, both of the Human Resources people who saw your web site at had their heads explode, we assume from information overload.
We took one to UCLA Medical Emergency and the other to USC Shock/Trauma via
MedEvac Chopper for cranial reassembly.
Good people over at USC.

A couple of the Systems people very carefully brought your web site up and
are pretty much convinced that they have never seen quite so much intense
complex information presented in such a small area in their lives.

We are warning non-Systems people that they shouldn't try a viewing without
proper supervision, a snugly fitting helmet, welder's goggles, and leather

The HR people are doing well. When they get back, they'll be using the
"plain text" version of your resume from now on.

And you will have a very happy day, won't you?